pathological addictions — full guide to all major health addictions

First let me explain what addiction is. Addiction is frequently being compelled to indulge in a behaviour that offers short-term relief, but long term damage in any area of your life (heath, relationships, finance and work to name just a few areas). The important word here is compelled.

Addiction is a difficult challenge to overcome. Not because the addictive behaviour is hard to break once the addict realises they have an addiction, but because addiction is shrouded in denial, preventing the addict from seeing their behaviour with clarity.

Denial is created by the addict in a bid to protect them from the loss they perceive they will endure if they give up the addictive behaviour or substance. Perceive is a very important word here because the addict actually does not gain anything from their addiction at all. Their addiction gradually and systematically destroys every area of the addicts life until all that is left is the addiction. As each area of the addicts life is slowly destroyed, the addict clings more and more to the addiction because the addiction is perceived to be a pleasure. The key to breaking any addiction is to break the cycle of faulty thinking that keeps the addict enmeshed in this cycle. So the good news is, addiction can be overcome a lot easier than we all think possible.

First let us explore addiction itself. All addiction has exactly the same roots regardless of the substance or behaviour that makes up the addiction. So addiction could be to substances such as alcohol, drugs or food, or it could be to behaviours such as gambling or shopping. All addictions are there to serve the same purpose, which is to change the way the addict feels. All addiction is masking unresolved pain.

This is how it works. The addict has a feeling. Now the feeling could be good or bad. A good feeling will lead the addict to celebrate. If they are addicted to food, they will celebrate by eating. An alcoholic will have a drink. A gambler will treat himself to a little flutter. If the addict has a bad feeling, they will indulge in the addictive behaviour to try and make themselves feel better. This is the paradox of addiction. One cure for all feelings! So, as the addictive behaviour continues it naturally gathers momentum (I will explain why in a moment) and becomes a bigger and bigger part of the addicts life. In extreme cases, if allowed to continue, it becomes the only thing in the addicts life.

Addictions naturally gather momentum for numerous reasons. The first reason is that the addict perceives that they gain some kind of reward from their addiction. This is never the case. If you enjoy something, you can take part in the activity and feel better for having done it afterwards. An addict usually feels worse following the addictive behaviour. A drinker will have a hangover, a shopper will feel guilt about the bills they now have to pay, an emotional eater will feel guilt about their latest binge etc. As discussed earlier, addicts indulge in their addictive behaviour to change their emotional state. Once the bad feelings surface after their latest indulgence, what is the first thing you think they will want to do? Yes! They will indulge once again in their addictive behaviour in order to get rid of their unwanted feelings. This is obviously a downward spiral.

The second reason why addictive behaviour gathers momentum is because it is used as a coping mechanism but in addition is used as a celebration (initially anyway. Once the addiction really takes a grip there is no longer the desire for celebration). Usually, if we are healthy and balanced, we have a number of ways to alter our emotional state. A few examples are, take a hot bath, meditate, read, relax and watch a movie, chat with friends etc etc. The addict stops looking for new ways to resolve challenges and ease stress. They use their addiction for immediate gratification. This gives the addict fewer and fewer coping mechanisms, as the addiction becomes a bigger and bigger part of their lives.

The third reason addiction gathers momentum is if the addiction is to a substance rather than a behaviour. If the substance is physically addictive, this causes further complications in the cycle of addiction as the body starts to crave the substance and will react (withdrawal symptoms) when the substance in question leaves the body.

The forth reason addiction gathers momentum is tolerance. Our bodies are amazing and intricate machines. If you are addicted to nicotine or alcohol, try and think back to the first time you smoked or drank. The taste was disgusting! You felt sick and dizzy and your body produced all kinds of unpleasant feelings. It did this because you were poisoning it! It was a warning. Now nature is very clever. Your body assumes over time, that if you are constantly poisoning it, you are doing so because you have no other option. So in order to make you more comfortable, it stops producing warning signs. This means that in order to get any ‘benefit’ from the drug of your choice, you have to take more of it. Your body then once again reacts to warn you. You ignore the warning, so your body decides to stop warning you because it assumes you have no other option than to poison yourself so you have to increase the dose. This is called tolerance. Obviously, with each increase in dosage, the body comes under more stress as it tries to cope. As the body comes under more and more stress our health and well-being becomes more and more compromised. Again, a very painful downward spiral.

So we now come to the point where we can explore how to overcome an addiction. As previously stated, it is not the addiction that is the difficulty; it is the addicts perception of their addiction that is the challenge. If the addicts perception changed, the addiction could be overcome with relative ease. The addict feels helpless to overcome their addiction because they perceive their addictive behaviour as being precious to them. This is denial. It is this denial that needs to be addressed and then the addiction can be resolved because the addict can see clearly that the addiction is not serving them. It is in fact doing the opposite. It is destroying them. The strongest addiction is actually psychological addiction rather than physical addiction. Physical addiction can usually be resolved after a few days of detoxification. If physical addiction were the strongest element of addiction, then it would follow that after a few days of detoxification, you would be free. As we all know, this is not the case. Psychological addiction is the root and is caused by faulty thinking and denial. Change the thinking and the addiction no longer exists because it is no longer ‘needed’.

If you think you have a physical addiction, please seek help because you may need a supervised detoxification programme. For addictive behaviours, your first step is to admit you have a problem. You do not have to hit rock bottom to overcome an addiction. People hit rock bottom because they fear their life without their addictive behaviour so much that they continue with the behaviour until they have nothing left. I promise you. Life without addiction is wonderful. It is faulty thinking that is telling you otherwise!

Beneath addiction is often unresolved emotional pain. If you have suffered any type of trauma in your past, please go and seek help now to resolve it. Avoiding emotional pain will not help you. You have to learn to walk through emotional pain. Don’t allow your past to dictate your future.

Addiction often also masks a feeling of lack of purpose. Addiction can allow someone to ‘opt out’ of life and sit on the fence just observing from a distance. We all have skills and gifts to share with the world. You are no exception (although you may feel as if you are). Trust me, you have a purpose. Decide today that you are going to commit to finding and living that purpose.

As I said before, addiction often masks emotional pain. If you have suffered trauma in the past, get help today to resolve that trauma, and then resolve to make meaning out of your suffering. There are probably thousands of people who have suffered a similar trauma who could really benefit from your help even if it is just hearing your story.

Addiction also exacerbates emotional pain. As you try to navigate life through the eyes of your addiction, you create more challenges for yourself. Your behaviour creates feelings of helplessness and guilt. This has a prolific effect on your self-esteem, which then needs to be medicated further with your addiction of choice. Be kind to yourself. Try and think back to things that used to give you pleasure. Slowly introduce those things back into your life. And don’t beat yourself up if you try to quite and then relapse, doing that will only make the journey more difficult.

Common Misconceptions About Addicts

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Addicts are Lazy People.

Addicts may seem lazy but they aren’t always lazy people. In fact, they are usually very motivated to satisfy their cravings. It actually takes quit an amount of energy to plan and make sure there is enough of the drug through the rest of the day and for tomorrow and the day after that.

Whether it is making sure you have computer access for pornography or that you have enough alcohol rationed out for the next day. Planning to obtain and ration your drug to make sure you have enough of it, while hiding it from those around you, takes a great deal of effort.

When an addict becomes sober, they are quite surprised to find a lot of free time and do not know how to use it because it has always been consumed by addictive behaviors. This is why it is important to fill a sober addict’s time with other wholesome behaviors.

Addicts Are Stupid.

An addict’s brain undergoes changes that lead to irrational behavior. Addicts do stupid things, but they are not stupid. The irrational (pre-rational to be more accurate) part of the brain hijacks the rational side of the brain (pre-frontal cortex). This is why they make emotional decisions that seem irrational, and some addicts make poor decisions from fear of withdrawal.

Addicts Live a Carefree Life.

Many non-addicts I knew seem to get a bit envious of those who use drugs or alcohol throughout the day to escape responsibilities or live in their own carefree world. In reality, an addict that has to self-medicate to feel normal — whether it be from drugs, alcohol or pornography- often do not have a good time because they are just trying to feel normal. Remember a new “set point” of feeling normal has been made within the brain of an addict.

Pornography addicts can feel very irritable or experience fuzzy thinking without porn. Alcoholics and drug addicts feel depression, hopelessness or physically sick without their drug. This is a life that has increasing physical, mental and emotional hardship in which engaging in the addiction no longer makes the addict feel euphoric, but normal.

Addicts are slaves. They have to continue to use even though many of them know that it is wrong. They often have to lie to those they love and maintain a dishonest life in order to feel normal.

Addicts are often paranoid and deal with greater fear than non-addicts. They know that their games cannot keep up. They usually know that sooner or later they will get caught and they know that their addiction will either cause serious problems in their relationships and in some cases may kill them.

Addicts Lack Willpower.

It is true that addicts usually lack the willpower to beat addiction, but remember that is because of the change in the brain caused by addiction. Due to the worsening nature of addiction on the individual’s brain, they are increasingly becoming more compulsive despite sever negative consequences.

In the brain this results in an imbalance or “homeostatic deregulation” within the reward pathways, which further explain how addiction develops and relapse is all too common.

When an addict tries to stop by willpower, only then does he feel the full strength of the addiction. They often don’t know the full strength of their addiction because they are always giving in. Once they make the decision to try to quit they are often defeated and may seem lazy because they lay in bed without a fix. But that is because they have a depleted dopamine level caused by long-term overstimulation.

During abstinence the user experiences reduced reward neurotransmitters that cause feelings of anxiety, irritability or stress. Extremely high doses of opioids from opium based drugs show a profound alteration of the opioid receptors within the brain.

A failure to quit a destructive habit is not because one lacks willpower, but because of the changes in the function of the brain.

Motivation and fear of withdrawal will outweigh any or all rational reasons to stop engaging in the behavior. Since the brain has a new set point of normal so they continue to use without experiencing the terrible lows of being without the drug.

An Addict Won’t Recover If He Is Forced.

Addicts do not have to seek help in order for it to work for them. Remember, the majority of addicts are already in denial. They think they don’t need help, they think it won’t work, and they think that someday they will be able to figure out a way they can still use without having negative consequences.

Addicts often do not go to support groups or treatment centers because they want to. In fact, most of the time addicts are forced to seek treatment. Whether addicts overdose and sent to a hospital or impatient treatment, court ordered or pressured from family the result seems to be the same. Addicts may go to rehab for the wrong reasons, but after a while of sobriety, they may start believing in the right reasons to continue treatment.

In rehab, the addict has their drug forcefully taken away from them, and this is where the addict may realize how addicted they really are. Since addicts are always giving in, sometimes they need to feel the full power of their addictions before they realize they have a problem. Sometimes a glimpse of a “real life” situation will enable an addict to have a moment of clarity.

Some addicts are able to quit for days or weeks at a time. This doesn’t mean that they don’t have a problem. In fact, if addicts didn’t have an addiction they wouldn’t be “quitting” in the first place. Addicts always think that they can quit, until they try their very hardest to stay sober forever. Sure an addict may go a few days or a week. This is how the addict rationalizes their addiction. They are constantly in denial because they feel they have control of their addiction if they do it less

The Relationship Model of Addiction

“An inherent limitation of the medical model is ignoring the fact that ‘pathological dependence’ implies that a relationship, one that is emotional and psychological in nature, has formed with the substance or activity (i.e. gambling, porn, etc.) The ‘pathological dependency’ is a pathological relationship, one in which there is continuous and increasing emotional involvement.”

The application of the disease concept to alcoholism, chemical dependency and addiction by the American Medical Association in 1956 marked a turning point in how addicts are viewed by treatment practitioners, significant others, the addicts themselves, as well the population at large. This turning point served to lessen the impact of stigma. There is less shame and secrecy associated now with being an addict, clearing the way towards seeking professional help. The shift in perception allowed for a more objective understanding of the disease and had a humanizing effect. The disease concept streamlined the process of assessment, diagnosis and treatment.

However, despite its reliance on objective, measurable data and tried and proven research, and beyond meeting the necessary criteria to be labeled a disease, we actually know little else about the emotional and psychological aspects of addiction.

The “Pathological Dependence” is a Pathological Relationship

An inherent limitation of the medical model is ignoring the fact that ‘pathological dependence’ implies that a relationship, one that is emotional and psychological in nature, has formed with the substance or activity (i.e. gambling, porn, etc.) The ‘pathological dependency’ is a pathological relationship, one in which there is continuous and increasing emotional involvement. The relationship with a source of relief that serves primarily to provide relief from emotional pain or frustration by bringing on a rush or high, pleasure, excitement or as an escape.

It’s possible that the medical establishment never focused on or embraced the relationship aspect of addiction because the concept of relationship is subjective, immeasurable and not provable scientifically, and therefore ignored it. Yet it’s clear to all of us that a relationship does exist; one that can be likened to a secret love affair.

Certainly the term “pathological” to describe this relationship is apt in a number of ways, beginning with the underlying obsession and desperation that drives the relationship, as the addict is out of control, unable to stop thinking about or pursuing it. The relationship is carried on behind a cloak of denial and deception, separate from the rest of the addict’s life. This relationship immediately becomes the primary relationship, more powerful than any other. While the substance or activity provides much needed relief, it feeds the addiction by further starving the addict emotionally. As time goes by, the addict is becoming increasingly cut off from the rest of the world, from other people and relationships and is actually worse off than before s/he got involved in this relationship as the level of (pre-existing) pain increases over time. It’s a relationship that offers no real emotional nourishment — nothing healthy — only an artificially induced high and temporary relief along with a number of harmful effects.

Etiology & Pre-disposing Conditions

Addiction is the result of non-emotionally nourishing relationships. The Relationship Model of Addiction is based on the premise that a relationship with a source of relief is driven by the need for relief from unmet emotional needs. The need to relieve pain is considered to be a basic human need, whether physical or emotional, and often becomes overpowering depending on the extent of pain. Human beings tend to avoid pain at all costs. Behaviorists have established the need to avoid pain as well as the need to relieve pain as primary motivational forces, i.e. negative and positive reinforcement. Emotionally based pain comes from unmet emotional needs, and leaves one in a dysphoric state thirsting for euphoria, or the most easily accessible, effective means of relief possible.

What happens when we’re deprived of emotional nourishment? When we are unloved, don’t receive the affection, attention, acknowledgement and appreciation we require? When we don’t feel heard and understood? When we don’t feel like we belong, or are special in any way? When we don’t feel connected to someone?